


In the dark of the night

by Subaruchan192



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, relationship status
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:53:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27436891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Subaruchan192/pseuds/Subaruchan192
Summary: Something in the way they slept with each other felt different tonight though Sonny wasn’t able to tell what exactly it was. Maybe it was the way their pace had changed. Every other night their encounters were defined by passion, both of them eager to get out of their clothes and to feel heated skin against skin, but tonight it had been softer and slower. They had taken their time as they had taken off every piece of clothing and every layer of protection.~*~Or: Rafael and Sonny's relationship is developing and they discuss their future together- in their typical kind of way and yet not.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 12
Kudos: 41





	In the dark of the night

**Author's Note:**

> This first part was in my draft folder for like half a year and I'm so glad I'm finally able to finish it =) I hope you enjoy

Something in the way they slept with each other felt different tonight though Sonny wasn’t able to tell what exactly it was. Maybe it was the way their pace had changed. Every other night their encounters were defined by passion, both of them eager to get out of their clothes and to feel heated skin against skin, but tonight it had been softer and slower. They had taken their time as they had taken off every piece of clothing and every layer of protection.

Maybe it was how they had taken their time with the foreplay, discovering and exploring every inch of skin with fingers and lips as it warmed underneath them.

Maybe it was the way Rafael was thrusting into him. Sonny loved it when he pounded into him in a fast rhythm, his balls slapping against Sonny’s cheeks and his mind blown out of the window, but this time Rafael was slower and took his time.

Maybe it was how Rafael’s eye never left his, his emeralds glowing in the darkness and it appeared as if they stared into his soul.

Maybe it was that it didn’t feel like getting rid of steam and adrenaline which hard days at the precinct and in court left behind. Sonny felt worshipped, taken care of and…he couldn’t find the word for what else rested in there.

Maybe it was the way they tended to each other when they were done, sharing sweet kisses as they cleaned each other from the white traces of semen and then snuggled into each other’s arms.

No, this time it hadn’t been just sex. It had been love making and Sonny became surer about it with every moment he laid awake and starred up at the dark ceiling, while Rafael was curled against him, his head resting on his chest and Sonny ran his fingers through his hair.

At least that was how he named that warm feeling which spread through him the longer he looked down at Rafael who appeared incredibly peaceful and young in his sleep. The wrinkles on his face were smoothed out, making him appear so much younger as if not the destiny of many people rested on his shoulders at day light. It was a beautiful sight which casted a smile on Sonny’s face.

It was one of the less times that Rafael Barba appeared truly content and happy. It was so bright and radiant, it seemed to glow in the dark and as Sonny’s long fingers ran through his hair, he made a content, cute little noise and snuggled closer to him.

It was not the first moment Sonny thought he might be falling in love, but it was one of the strongest. A warm feeling of domesticity and belonging played his heart like a lute and as cheesy as it might be it felt as if violins were suddenly playing quietly in the dark corners of the room.

A tender smile spread over Sonny’s lips as he acknowledged for the first time how wholesome this felt. How beautiful life was ever since he knew Rafael even though they both were in a quite dark space of Earth.

His fingers continued mussing through the dark hair with the few grey strands, while he turned his head, glancing towards the sun which was slowly rising behind the skyscrapers.

Soft crimson crept into the bedroom, slowly lightening it up. Rafael grumbled next to him and turned away from the disturbing light, intending on sleeping just a little bit longer.

The warm breath of the prosecutor tickled the sensitive skin on the crook of his neck, causing the fine hairs on Sonny’s arm to raise, but the detective didn’t mind.

As hard and distanced Rafael could be at day as cuddly and looking for warmth he was at night and Sonny wanted to give it to him if he was honest.

Sonny shifted his position, earning another annoyed grump from the shorter man who curled tighter into a ball, completely wrapped around Sonny like a koala baby clinging onto his mother. Sonny’s heart melted at the sight and he allowed himself to wrap his arms a little tighter around Rafael.

He wanted to be Rafael’s home, he wanted him to feel the same, to be the safe place to the person who was alone in the crowd most of his times.

It was one of the secrets that surrounded Rafael. One he never even hinted, but you felt it licking like electricity in the air. An old sorrow which had built an iron wall around his heart which never came down. Not even for those closest to him. Though Sonny had the feeling that Rafael actually wanted someone to be able to get behind it as, in those very emotional moments which often came with a case, there was a deep longing in these green eyes. A longing to belong somewhere. His relation to his mother was just beginning to heal from an old, bitter tension, Sonny had the feeling.

Home was a feeling that Sonny knew well and one he valued greatly. He loved his family dearly; he loved his friends. So, it wasn’t that far of a step to think that he might love Rafael as he considered him one of his friends, but this here was far better and so much more complicated.

Face to face and heart to heart, they were so close and yet so far apart, bodies and masquerades communicating perfectly, but what about the soul? Would this pretending that it was nothing more than fun ever stop? Because the intensity of what Sonny felt was too strong that he was imagining it, right? The pounding of his heart, the rushing of blood, the tenderness in the bed, couldn’t be invented by him, or…

“Sonny…,” Rafael grumbled against his neck and even with a voice thick from sleep he sounded perfectly annoyed, “stop thinking so loud.”

“I’m sorry.” Sonny laughed softly and rubbed soothingly over his back, just between the strong muscles of his shoulders, easing Rafael back into his slumber and easing some old knots in the same progress. “Go back to sleep…”

“Hmmpf…,” Rafael harrumphed in an even grumpier tone, before he breathed evenly again and his muscles slacked. Was it strange that this tone caused a certain fondness inside Sonny’s heart? That he found an all grown up, temperamental Cuban adorable? Because he did.

Slowly, the warmth spreading from Rafael’s body wrapped around him and he began to relax, gliding back into slumber just when the day was about to rise.

~*~

“Shall we share a car to the precinct?” Sonny asked casually some hours later as he sat on the edge of Rafael’s king-size bed. “Your first appointment is at the precinct anyway, right?”

It wasn’t a casual question, of course, and both of them knew it. If they arrived together at the precinct it would at least be official that they were spending the night together- whatever exactly it meant.

Rafael stopped sliding into his blue and white striped shirt. He hesitated for a few moments, his shoulders tensing as he slowly turned around.

Caution rested in Rafael’s green eyes, but he said nothing and Sonny didn’t know what to make out of it and he felt the old, known jittery of uncertainty.

“You know what, forget that I asked.” He laughed it off. “Stupid suggestion of mine.”

“You know what the consequences would be, right?” Rafael asked instead, a serious shimmer in his eyes.

“Of course. I’m not stupid,” Sonny huffed, angrier than he had intended and rolled his eyes in best Barba fashion.

The frown on Rafael’s forehead deepened, disbelief now mirroring in his green eyes, telling Sonny silently:

_‘How are you talking to me?’_

Sonny startled as the sharp gaze hit him like a hammer and lowered his head ashamed, because he was right. He only wanted to talk about the consequences, but it was Sonny’s weak spot when he got the impression someone thinks he was stupid.

Maybe, he still had problem to see himself as equal to Rafael. Rafael was extraordinary and Sonny was just…well, Sonny.

“I’m sorry.” Rafael opened his mouth to say something, but closed it. He waited a moment or two and then let out a deep breath. When he opened his eyes, they were clear and calm like a landscape after a storm.

“Sonny…,” he whispered surprisingly softly, “I didn’t say I am opposed to the idea. I just want us to talk this through first.”

“Oh…,” escaped Sonny and he blushed slightly, while he rubbed over the back of his head in embarrassment. “So…uhm…”

Suddenly, he was at loss for words again, not knowing how to continue the conversation he had with himself so many times. He had thought he was prepared, because he had wanted to be. Because he had been thinking about having it for some time now. This in between, the undefined had its appeal. No pressure, no obligations, but if he was honest, Sonny had been never been this kind of person. He couldn’t separate the physical from the emotional. The affection sitting inside his heart couldn’t be hidden.

“What do you think about it?”

“Oh?” Rafael tilted his head. “Is it for me to decide, now?”

“Is it for me?” Sonny asked, looking at him with sad, blue eyes, his throat suddenly tight and he swallowed, wringing with his hands, while his heart beat fast. “I mean this…”

Sonny framed the distance between them with a helpless gesture.

“Whatever this is…is going for a few months already.” For a few moments none of the normally eloquent men knew how to continue this conversation and a heavy, suffocating silence was resting between them.

“That’s true.” Rafael leaned back a little on the edge, his hands wrapped around his knee, causing him to bounce back and forth while he starred at the ceiling. He thought carefully about his answer. Just like he always did. Sonny could tell that from the little wrinkle which always settled between his eyebrows and how he pressed his lips together, before he licked them.

Sonny’s heart sped up even more, the nervousness of waiting almost killing him. Now, he would get to know what Rafael thought of them. He wasn’t exactly sure if he wanted to hear the answer. If he wanted it to end this morning, because it would inevitably.

Finally, Rafael sighed and let go of his knee, turning further towards Sonny. That wasn’t a bad sign, wasn’t it?

The expression in Rafael’s eyes, though, made him quite uneasy.

“I do enjoy our time together,” he admitted. He sounded rather surprised himself and there was a certain heaviness in his voice so that Sonny’s heart sank. This was it. This was the end. “But I’m still not completely sure what this here is…”

This time Rafael waved in the space between him.

“And we would make it official that we’re seeing each other. That we’re in some sort of relationship.”

It made sense and yet it stung like a knife so that Sonny lowered his head and bit the inside of his mouth, thinking how he could fix this, how he could prevent the end.

“We don’t,” he said hesitantly. Rafael’s eyes shimmered with curiosity. Understandable given that they couldn’t invent an easy excuse such as _I was helping Rafael with the case_ _this morning_. They were all detectives for years. They wouldn’t be fooled that easily. Especially not Olivia, Amanda and Dodds junior. “We could tell that it’s just sex.”

The frown deepened on Rafael’s forehead.

“It’s more than just sex and we both know that,” he replied and Sonny’s heart made a jump. Meanwhile, Rafael was pricking thoughtlessly on his well-manicured fingernails, but his eyes hung somewhere on the wall. “I’m just not…”

When a few moments passed without Rafael continuing, he asked quietly:

“Rafael?”

A heavy sigh escaped the prosecutor and his shoulder.

“I’m not good in that kind of things.” Once again, he stayed silent for some moments, struggling with his words. That he still didn’t look at him hurt Sonny and therefore he decided to take the initiative. He stood up; his shirt still half open as he sat down next to Rafael.

“You don’t have to be good,” he assured him as he took his hand tentatively. “We don’t even have to talk about this now.”

Sonny tried to smile warmly and reassuringly, but he wasn’t sure if he succeeded. Rafael looked up, a mixture of surprise and sadness glistening in his eyes, but his expression softened as soon as Sonny squeezed his hand, but the sad shimmer remained.

“I think we should.” Rafael’s voice was quiet, but firm. “Truth is, I’m not sure if this is love already or if it can turn into it.”

Sharp, honest words which made Sonny flinch, but he was glad that Rafael wasn’t covering it up.

“I’m not sure about anything at all regarding you, Sonny. It’s too beautiful, too easy you know? I don’t trust it. I _can’t_ trust it.” His face became hard as steel, his lips pressed into a thin line.

“Why?” Sonny gasped, the sharp edge in Rafael’s tone concerning him. There was something resting in there. Something ominous; like a shadow. An old demon of the past which seemed to have awakened. It wasn’t something Sonny had wanted. He didn’t want to see Rafael like this. This pained, this hurt. It was if Sonny felt the same like sharp needles into his heart. “Oh, I’m sorry. You don’t have to answer.”

“No…it’s okay.” Rafael shook his head. “You couldn’t have known.”

He struggled for a moment, making a face as if he considered whether he was able to jump over a huge cliff.

Then he exhaled, deep and thoroughly, letting out breaths which had been held for a long time.

“Whenever I liked something, I lost it.” Rafael laughed, but it was not his melodic laughter, but a cold, bitter one. “Stupid reason, I know, but I don’t want to lose this, too.”

“Rafael…” Sonny didn’t know what to say, overwhelmed by everything that rested inside it. Just then he realised how close they were right now; physical and mental. The tips of their noses were almost brushing against each other as Rafael turned his head to him.

He looked fragile in this moment; the mask he wore put away on the nightstand. The true Rafael was looking at him through these forest green eyes, shimmering like the most precious smaragds. The everyday Rafael was beautiful in his bright colours and striking confidence, but the one sitting right next to him was of delicate beauty.

Somehow, Rafael’s allegedly weakness gave Sonny strength.

“Hey,” he whispered softly and cupped Rafael’s cheek, turning his head towards him to highlight his words. “You won’t lose me.”

“You can’t promise that.”

“No, but I’m fond of you, Rafael.” A warm smile basked all over Sonny’s face, competing with the sun which was still rising. “And I can be quite stubborn.”

The green eyes widened about the strength and certainty in Sonny’s voice, but then Rafael huffed a little, quiet laugh and nodded.

“That you are.” Rafael smiled, still hesitantly, but it was honest and suddenly everything was so easy. Their foreheads dropped together and they closed their eyes, a loving smile on both their lips, enjoy the fresh light of the day and status of their relation together. “Sorry about that. Seems like old wounds sit deep.”

“Never apologize to me for opening up,” Sonny said softly, his words floating warmly over Rafael’s skin, caressing it. “And I hope one day you tell me about it.”

“I think so…” Rafael exhaled and dissolved slightly, opening his jade-green eyes. “I feel safe and comfortable with you. That’s actually what scares me.”

“It’s okay that you feel that way.” He placed a soft kiss against Rafael’s temple and immediately, Rafael let out the tension sitting inside of him. “Even if we declare this here as something more serious it doesn’t mean that there is any pressure. Nothing is going to change.”

Rafael lifted an eyebrow in his usual way, appearing not completely convinced, his eyes saying that a whole lot had changed, but he seemed astonished that he wasn’t afraid. Instead, he nodded and leaned his head into the warm palm.

After a few moments of just bathing in the sunlight, Rafael dissolved and casually reached for his phone. Sonny frowned as he hadn’t heard any sound.

“Work?” he asked, but Rafael shook his head as he typed into the display.

“I’m calling our car.” He lifted his eyes. “If this is okay for you.”

A warm shower of happiness spread all through Sonny which surprised even him, but he relished the feeling of the strengthening bond between them and he nodded eagerly.

“Yes.”

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, this turned out to be more angsty than I expected, but I enjoyed it =) I hope you did, too. Please let me know =)


End file.
